My name is Sandra. I want to tell a story, a funny story, an awkward story, and no! A great story, just a story of love, no of lust, Whether I am in a village, a city or suburb People always say I am bless with a beauty beyond definition. They talk about my palm tree physique, my straight line fingerings, my pencil nose, my blue- sea eyes and my deep chocolate skin. Are these the ingredient for baking a beauty? I always asked.
This so called beauty has landed me in
troubles and dilemmas nameless times. I call it trouble and dilemma because I
am at a cross road at the moment. Often times I have try to run away from this
stigma of “a beauty without definition” the more I make frantic effort to
run and shield this shame of a beauty, the more it box me into more troubles.
Like
an advance pregnancy, it dawned on me lately that I can’t run away non shield
this shame of a beauty from the lustful eyes of the decaying world.
As
the day wakes, I discover that my life is like dead carcass that magnets
vultures from the quatrain wings of the earth. Mere attraction of troubles and dilemmas,
putting me at the edge of breaking the code of moral decency, yes, this week,
they were fourteen of them with the same troubles and dilemmas of love-lust
that has being my companion this long. Letters of love, calls of love, and conversations
of love storms at my will like a mad whirl wind canvassing for my heart.
A complication
of this love and lust mantra just occur recently in my country and life as
Obama passionately proclaim the message of liberty and gay telling me “you
are fit for gay” gush! Reaffirming that gay needs my heart and its
love. This complication of my troubles and dilemmas, continue just because I am
stone with whatever comeliness. To whom then should I entrust this fleeting heart?
To whom should I trust this “beauty without definition” to? I am
confused, I am at a lost, right in the heart of a conflulence...
On
a harmless Saturday evening, I strolled to the national park to appreciate
nature’s nest: the flowers, the gentle braze the chirping birds, the weaving
leaves, the waterfalls and wonderful people –God’s creation. Whenever I am
here, I felt truly love by nature, my heart flows with liquid love leaving the world
and her madness at aloof…
Like the flood that swallowed Noah generation, the
beasts in trouser never stop flooding my path with lyrics of lust, oh, of love.
Even here, they have broken my silence a thousand times.
Of
that entire collection that streamed my heart and path with love mantra none
have ever given me course to ponder like this Abdul here with me, gorgeous,
with dark charming hair, sparkling snow teeth, hmmm pedicure, and well ironed
attire with a copy of a book, oh, a bible! But for what
purpose, I wondered? I
prepared my mind for the usual but he gave me the unusual story of a loving
father who gave his son -a part of him self- as a loving ransom for the reconciliation of a mad, stubborn and rebellious wandering world, and that I am that world in need of the
saving grace of God in Jesus... He shared this story softly and gently until it
cleansed my sin-sick- soul from quilt and grief…
“I gave my life away so you can love me
I gave my life away so you can love me
I gave my life away Lord Jesus, so you can love me”
oh, praise the Lord! Now I found the love that won my wandered
heart.
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